Is he punishing me

I was terrible a few years back, stole from parents, drank, drugs, stole cars, cheated on every girlfriend and screwed over everyone I could. But I never got caught got a good job straight from college got things together then we broke up. I miss you so much it hurts. We were happy and I cherished every minute with you but you had to move. Got a new bf quickly and you seem happier which kills me to my core. Im walking around in a haze all the time and it’s been nearly a year. I always thought I was the luckiest man in the world to have you, I always thought you were way outta my league and I did everything to make you happy but you never settled. I created a rift after we broke up because I couldn’t bear to talk to you and still can’t because I’m so hopelessly in love but I miss you so much. There isn’t one single day I don’t think of you and in a way resent your happiness because it drives you further away from me. I’m drinking too much and it seems to be the only place I can find relief. I dread the thought of sleep because you are the last thing I will think about. Is there a god after all and is he punishing me for my past?