From April 2014 up until October of
the same year, I was in a relationship. It was lovely. The man was
everything that I wanted in a man - tall, attractive, someone that I
could talk to about anything, someone who would challenge me and debate
me, great sex, great times together, etc.
Everything was wonderful until he
randomly became distant in November. The next day, he broke up with me,
by saying 'Maybe we should take a step back,' and that "We were perfect
on paper, but it just wasn't meant to be."
I was devastated, but I found myself slowly but surely doing better.
5 days later, he got in a
relationship with someone else. He broke up with me because he had
someone else lined up and wanted her over me.
I have never been so angry in my
life. There are days where I am alright and I am able to handle myself. I
go out on other dates, and I don't compare them with my ex. They never
go anywhere, while meanwhile, he's always at her house. I've gone No
Contact, and while most days it's fine, other days I am just so
incredibly angry.
I've been having these very intense
fantasies of harming him somehow - and the object of that fantasy to
harm is her. My problem isn't even with the girl - I really don't
particularly care about her and feel indifferent to her. I just want to
hurt him - and I would love to hurt her if it makes him feel the same
level of hurt and pain that I'm enduring. It makes me sick to see him
happy with someone else while nothing is panning out for me, and since I
don't believe in karma, it makes things even worse. I want to see him
suffer just like I have to.
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